My Story
I am a survivor of Domestic abuse. This is my story:
My story begins when I was an 18 year old girl. I was fun loving, and had great parents. I had just graduated from High School, was going to college, and working part time. One of my favorite things to do was roller skating. I was at the rink every chance I got. I had been raised in a loving Christian home, but, like most 18 year old girls, I just couldn't wait to find "Mr. Right", get married and start a family of my own.
At the skating rink that I went to, they had hired Sheriff's Deputies for guards. Several deputies worked at the rink during their off hours.
One night, as I was skating, I was knocked down by some little boys. In falling, I had badly twisted my ankle. The deputy that was on guard duty that night, walked out on the rink, picked me up, and carried me off the rink. We talked for a while, and he asked me out for a cup of coffee. I was pretty naive back then, I can remember thinking, "now who would be safer to be with than a police officer". Right? No! Wrong! Oh, he didn't harm me in any way that night. We had a lot of fun talking and drinking our coffee. I found out that his name was Jim (name has been changed), and that he was divorced and had 2 children by his first wife. He kind of portrayed her as the wicked witch of the west, and I believed him. Jim was 32 years old at the time, and I was only 18.
Jim began actually courting me, and just swept me off my feet. I was crazy about him! However, there was trouble on the home front. My parents didn't like or trust him, and kept begging me to break my relationship with him. I totally refused to listen to them, and kept on seeing him. We had a whirlwind courtship. We met in August, were engaged by Thanksgiving, and got married the next Valentines Day. It all seemed so romantic.
Well, the honeymoon didn't last very long. Before our first month of married life had gone by, Jim was beginning to abuse me. I'm one of the lucky ones. Most of my abuse was not physical battery. There was some of that, but not much. Much of my abuse came in through mental and emotional battery. Jim isolated me from everyone. He couldn't stand my parents, and wouldn't have anything to do with them. Of course, that meant that I couldn't either. I had very few friends, and those were barely tolerated. I tried getting a job, but he made me quit after one week. Jim always kept the checkbook and credit cards because I was just "too immature" to handle them.
When Jim's children came to visit for a weekend, it was hell on earth for me. Since Jim worked on weekends, I was alone with the children a lot. If I didn't let them do something they wanted to do, they would wait until Jim got home, then "tell on me". Of course, their versions were always a little slanted, but they got a real kick out of watching their father yell at me in front of them. It got so bad that I just dreaded the weekends coming.
About 3 months after the wedding, I found that Jim was seeing someone else. However, as a Christian, I don't believe in divorce, and felt like I had to stay with him. Things went from bad to worse. I tried counseling, but Jim wouldn't go. And I got that old familiar counsel usually given to women that God expects us to be "submissive" to our husbands. I wasn't just submissive, I was totally cowed by this man.
I have always loved animals, and Jim got great pleasure out of torturing our dogs and punishing them cruelly for any slight infraction of his rules. He used them to teach me lessons.
To make a long story short, I stayed with Jim for 2 1/2 years. I decided to leave and file for divorce, when he started moving his girlfriend's furniture into our home. Fortunately, I was never able to conceive a child with Jim. It was strange, though, after all that had happened, I still didn't really want to divorce him.
The divorce became final when I was 21 years old. At that time I decided that I never wanted to be involved with another man for the rest of my life. Two years after the divorce became final, I met my present husband, Bob. He was told of my former husband's abuse and was very patient. It took 2 years of Bob and I dating before I was willing to consider marriage. Bob and I were married March 10, 1989 and have been together ever since. We have 2 daughters that are the light of our lives and are very happy.
The scars are still there from what I went through with Jim. I've been told that I am "hard as nails" sometimes, and Bob says that I still have walls that I built and have not been willing to let down. I didn't even realize that I had been an abused woman until years later. I just thought that maybe that was the way marriage was supposed to be. My parent's marriage wasn't like that, but maybe most other people's were.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had obeyed my parents and cut off the relationship with Jim. I guess we all wonder what life would have been like if we had made different decisions. I thank my Lord that He helped me through those horrible years and then sent me the best husband I could have.
Yes, I am a Domestic abuse survivor!
Back Next Home
Send this page to a friend!
Friends Email:
Your Email:
