THE FEMALE STRESS DIET
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
BREAKFAST: 1 Grapefruit 1 Slice whole wheat toast 1 cup skim milk LUNCH: Small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach 1 cup herbal tea 1 Hershey Kiss AFTERNOON TEA: The rest of the Kisses in the bag 1 tub of Hagen Daas Ice Cream with Choc-chip topping DINNER: 4 bottles of wine (red or white) 2 loaves Garlic bread 1 Family size Supreme Pizza 3 Snickers Bars LATE NIGHT SNACK: Whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the Freezer) DIET RULES:
1. If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.
2. When drinking a diet coke with a chocolate bar, the diet Coke cancels out the sugar in the chocolate bar.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medical purposes does not count (eg. hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka).
5. If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.
6. Movie Theater related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake. This includes popcorn, Snow Caps and ice-cream.
7. Cookie pieces have no calories because breaking the cookies up causes calorie leakage.
8. Foods licked from spoons and forks have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.
9. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to Gravity and the density of the calorie mass.
10. Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat as It rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his/her plate.
And remember: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS "DESSERTS'
