Dilbert's Rules of Order
1- I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 4- Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. 5- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again. 6- I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. 7- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? 8- My reality check bounced. 9- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 10- I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier. 11- You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 12- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. 13- Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. 14- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. 15- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. 16- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. 17- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. 18- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. 19- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. 20- People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. 21- If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done. 22- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. 23- Following the rules will not get the job done. 24- When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" 25-"Love doesn't make the world go round it just makes the ride worthwhile."
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